The Trouble With Tribbles  Firefly style
by Batman and Ronon
Summary: This is the product of me getting drunk and finding a pen and paper.   Just a harmless little fic seeing what would happen if Tribbles took over Serenity.
1. Chapter 1

"Aww! Look at him. He's so cute!"

"Kaylee." Mal said as he prodded the side of the furry little ball. "Wh-What is it?"

"Don't know Captain. It was just in that crate over there." She pointed absentmindedly over to the box in the corner of the hold, tickling the small furry object with her hand. As she did this it began to growl and Kaylee let out a short, cheery giggle. "Cap'n, it just purred!"

"Uh-huh." Mal responded dryly, staring at the small creature for a moment. "Kaylee, what have I told you 'bout opening things don't belong to you?"

"Don't you get the least bit curious sometimes?" She asked, looking up from the creature.

"No." He answered simply. "See when we got curious back in the war and looked inside boxes, they usually blew up in our faces."

Kaylee eye's widened for a moment and she held up the animal for Mal to see. "Does he look like he's gonna blow up t'you?"

"It looks like something that came off Jayne's back…"

"Hey!" Jayne called over from the upper walkway. "I hear voices talkin' 'bout me. If this is River locking herself in the kitchen, it's not my fault."

"Nah, it's nothi- wait River did what now?" Mal asked a little startled, folding his arms as Jayne began to descend the stairs towards him and Kaylee.

"And this wouldn't have nothing to do with the fact you threatened to kill her if she pulled another butcher's knife on you." Kaylee piped up.

"Idle banter." Jayne replied as he made his way over to them. "Hey! 'The hell is that thing?"

"It's my new pet." Kaylee said proudly, stroking the creature affectionately.

Jayne looked at the thing, a little perplexed. "Her what?"

"You're not keeping it." Mal said shortly.

"But Cap'n-"

"No buts!"

"But he's so adorable! Can't I keep him for just a little while? What's the worst he could do?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Mal! Kaylee's pet is attacking my dinosaurs!" Wash's voice boomed around the cockpit as he clutched one of his toys to his chest.

Poking his head through the cockpit door, Mal frowned and strode over towards Wash. "I thought Kaylee was supposed to be looking after it."

"Well she's doing a great job so far." Sticking his thumb up, he swivelled his chair back around to face the console, his hands dancing over the controls. "By the way, what's up with River locking herself in the kitchen? I mean I get she's crazy and all, but could she not lock herself where there isn't food?" Watching helplessly as the Tribble knocked over his tyrannosaurus, Wash picked up the small creature and placed it on the floor.

"She'll come out in her own time." Mal answered, watching the Tribble squirm around on the floor.

"Can she maybe do that before we all starve to death?"

"So when did you start to feel this pain in your leg?" Simon asked as he led her into the infirmary. Lying back on the chair, Zoe grimaced slightly, stretching her right leg out straight.

"Around the time I got shot in the leg back on Beaumont." Zoe answered, gasping quietly as Simon placed a steady hand on her shin.

"That was over a week ago." Simon said, a little perplexed.

"That's right." Zoe replied plainly.

"And you didn't think to bring this up before now?"

"Didn't seem to be much of a problem."

Running a hand through his hair, Simon stared at her leg for a moment. "I can give you a shot for the pain and maybe get you fixed up when we get to Beaumont. I can't do anything for you here though."

"Just gimme the shot, I'll be fine." Nodding briefly at her, Simon walked over to his work counter. "So what's wrong with your sister?"

"Oh, why? What's she done now?"

"Locked herself in the kitchen."

"Oh. Well it's this new medication i've been giving her. It's a little... experimental right now." Scouring the countertop for a few moments, his eyes caught something.

"What the-" Walking closer to it, he picked the small furry ball up cautiously. "What's this?" Turning back to face Zoe, he showed it to her. "Did Jayne put this here. Is this another practical joke of his?"

"I don't think so. Looks too harmless to be anything Jayne would use."

"Well that's comforting." Placing the creature back on the counter, he reached for his med-kit and grabbed it, pulling it towards him. Looking up, he watched watched as Jayne walked past the infirmary and called after him. "Hey!"

Turning on the spot, Jayne let out a quiet grunt and shrugged his shoulders. "What?"

"Is this yours?" Simon asked, holding up the creature once more.

"No."

"Well, why is it on my office then?"

"The hell should I know? What am I your office-watcher person?"

Zoe smirked to herself and shrugged her shoulders. "He's got a point." Jayne nodded smugly.

"Fine, just… stay out of my office." Simon said with a small sigh.

"Don't wanna be in your ruttin' office anyways." Jayne mumbled to himself as he walked into the cargo hold, passing Mal on the way.

Glancing in through the glass, Mal rolled up one of his sleeves, checking the button on it as he stepped into the infirmary. "Zoe, your husband's gettin' all emotional-like over his toys."

"Oh he does that sir." Zoe responded brightly.

Nodding, he turned to Simon. "Doctor, what's up with my first officer and-" His eyes fell upon the Tribble on his countertop. "W-what- why is that here?"

Looking quizzically at the Captain, Simon followed his gaze to the Tribble. "Oh… that. Yes I don't know I just found it there. What is it?"

"Don't know, but it is somewhat of a mystery to me how it got all way from bridge and down here 'fore me." Staring at curiously for a few seconds, his thoughts were cut off as Kaylee skipped into the Med bay.

"Hey Simon!" She exclaimed. "What's everyone doin'?" She asked looking between Mal, Zoe and Simon.

"Looking after your pet apparently." Mal said pointing towards the Tribble on the counter.

"What're you talking about, he's right here." She said holding up her hand with a Tribble on it.

Mal rounded on her, his eyes widening. For a few moments, he simply looked between the two creatures, one in Kaylee's hand and the other on the counter. "There's two of them..?"

"Aww! He's got a friend now!" Kaylee giggled and bounced toward the counter, placing her Tribble down next to the other one.

"There's two of them." Mal repeated to himself.

Simon, grinned a little, watching Kaylee play with the two Tribbles. "Doctor." Zoe said calmly. Turning to face her, he raised his eyebrows. "The shot?"

"Oh right!" Simon said. "Sorry, yes." Reaching up, he pulled open one of the cupboards above the counter and three Tribbles fell out.

"There's more of them?" Mal and Simon said together.

"MAL!" Jayne shouted from down the corridor. "Those furry things are all over my gorram bunk!"

Shepherd Book wandered into the med bay. "Captain, I found this in my hair, while I was washing." He produced the Tribble and held it in his palms looking at it worriedly. "I think it's alive. It purred at me earlier."

Mal nostrils flared and he turned his attention back To Kaylee. She smiled sheepishly back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

"Tribbles! They're all made up of rage. I can't shut them up!"

Sometimes River's voice really did carry, Mal thought as he passed the kitchen on the way up the cockpit. Popping his head up from out of his quarters, Jayne ascended the ladder and threw a dozen Tribbles out onto the deck. "Gorammit." He mumbled quietly.

Stepping over the pile of Tribbles Jayne had just created, Mal sighed restlessly and called up towards the bridge. "Wash, how long 'till we reach Persephone?"

Checking his navigational charts, he called back over his shoulder. "Sorry Cap'n, still two days out."

"Any way to speed that up a little?"

"Sure, if you wanted to run through a couple of dozen Alliance patrols."

"Watching as a couple more Tribbles dropped from the ceiling in front of him, Mal raised an eyebrow. "That don't seem like such a bad idea right now."

Turning back, he made his way back down the stairs, away from the bridge. Hearing a loud thud coming down from Jayne's quarters, Mal made his way over to them and peered down into it. "Jayne! The hell you doin' down there?"

"Gao yang jong duh goo yang." Jayne shouted as from down in his quarters. Mal leant over the hatch just in time to see Jayne scramble up the last few rungs of the ladder. Just below him, a sea of Tribbles washed their way over the floor of Jayne's quarters, covering it. Climbing off the ladder and onto the deck, Jayne shut the hatch to his quarters firmly. "They're comin' through the gorram walls Mal. I barely got outta there with Vera 'fore they swarmed the place." He took a large weapon off of his back and held it in his hands, caressing it lightly. "S'okay Vera baby, I gotcha."

Mal looked between Jayne and his weapon for a moment. "Would you two like a moment?"

* * *

"You can't possibly name them all Kaylee." Simon said as he sat down on the upper walkway of cargo hold, beside Kaylee.

"Sure I can." She retorted, swinging her legs idly over the edge of the walkway. "There's Topher and Adelle. Erm… Clem, all the way over there…"

Simon sighed a little. "Kaylee there's hundreds of them." She ignored him and continued to name them all. Looking down to the floor of the cargo hold, Simon rubbed his eyes. The floor itself seemed to be moving as if it had a mind of its own. Hundreds of Tribbles rolled over one another, creating a sort of wave effect. "I still can't believe how fast they produced."

"… Kendra's the really furry one. Anyanka and Halfrek…"

"They must have extraordinary reproductive systems. I think their sole purpose is just to mate." Simon mused to himself.

Kaylee continued to point out different Tribbles and Simon followed her gaze, not really listening to her. "There's Bennett. Synder and I think the one with the black spots is Sierra…"

"Kaylee!" Came Mal's voice from their left. "Get up to the engine room."

"Yes sir, Cap'n." She replied, pulling herself up to her feet, a warm smile crossing her lips.

"What should I do?" Simon asked, following Kaylee's suit and standing up.

"Don't you have an infirmary to be lookin' after or somethin'?" Mal replied.

"Yeah, not so much. I can't really get in there right now."

Mal nodded knowingly and shrugged his shoulders. "Go help Kaylee then."

Kaylee grinned and linked her arm through Simon's, hugging herself close to him. "Come on Doctor." She said. "You can be my personal escort." Giggling she began to skip down towards the engine room, dragging Simon close behind her.

The intercom suddenly came to life and Wash's crackly voice came through. _"Mal? You might wanna get up here, we've got a bit of a problem."_


End file.
